I want to make a zoo with you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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