I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
