beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
