I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
