So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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