if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize