Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
