I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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