I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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