3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.