I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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