If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
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The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.