those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?