HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
