Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
