Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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