That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
