12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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