you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
