And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
