Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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