i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think your dad took our porno
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
