I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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