ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
