I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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