We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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