so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
