Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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