I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward