oh god the rape fog is back!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
