I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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