I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
