at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't notice because vodka
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
