awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
