He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
