I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
