mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
