it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
