No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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