if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's get the cat blown out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
