Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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