shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
