i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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