Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
