..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
