dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Vodka?
Forever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
