im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize