I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
