i already hear my dad disowning me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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