Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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