Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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