We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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