Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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