I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
