I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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