OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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