THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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