is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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