Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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