Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
