i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
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Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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