Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
