i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
