nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
