I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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