We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
