I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
