I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
