Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
