My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
