Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
