Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ladies don't puke and tell
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
