You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
