Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
