Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
