I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
