It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
